Maintaining Your Relationship /Marriage

Kurt Vonnegut, Hocus Pocus said "Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance"

There are lots of people who are just interested in starting a relationship or getting married without thinking of how to maintain the relationship/marriage.

Falling in love, starting a relationship and getting married is easy but maintaining the love, reIationship and marriage is the real work.

My final year project work as a Quantity Surveying student was on Facilities Management(FM) and i focused on Maintenance aspect of FM because I noticed one of the problems facing Construction Industry is Poor Maintenance.

I will be relating the findings in my project work to Relationship and Marriage since it's also about building and the principles of building are the same everywhere.

By simple definition, Maintenance is the process of preserving a condition or situation or the state of being preserved.

Research has shown that Africans have not imbibed maintenance culture and it's so disheartening that this poor
attitude to maintenance is what is destroying a lot of relationship and marriage today.

From my findings, I was able to discover some factors that are  affecting Maintenance in Nigeria and will discuss two of these factors with us.

1. Lack of Maintenance information manual: The maintenance manual Provides the procedures and guidelines for carrying out maintenance of building.
There is also a Relationship/marriage manual that God the author of marriage has given us to follow and has also inspired some people to write books and teach on these principles and guidelines for blissful marriage. So to effectively maintain your relationship/marriage you need to read the manual.

The bible contains ALL you need to succeed in your relationship/marriage. The problem is that a lot of people don't study the bible while some study but don't do what the Bible says. Read your bible, read books on relationship, marriage and family and attend Marriage seminars. This sum up the manual you need to maintain and succeed in your marriage.

2. Lack of Commitment to Maintenance Plans: Another factor affecting Maintenance is lack of commitment.
It is not enough to read the bible, books and attend marriage seminars, you must be committed to doing all that you have learnt from it. It's not just the knowledge of the truth that sets you free, it is correct application of the truth.

Somebody says "Commitment is staying true to what you said you will do long after the mood you said it in has left you". So be committed to your relationship/marriage and do everything to make it work.

There are 3 types of Maintenance which are:

1. Preventive maintenance: This is performed in an attempt to avoid failure or problems. Don't wait till there is crisis in your relationship/marriage before you start doing the right thing. Always ensure you prevent and avoid things that can cause problem. Deciding not to do what you know your partner hate is a form of preventive maintenance. It will help your relationship to thrive.

2. Operational Maintenance: This is Maintenance during usage.  I call it 'fix it now approach'. Of a truth challenges and misunderstandings  happen in relationship/marriage.
In fact you cannot prevent some but you can fix it immediately you notice it. Don't wait till it get worst before trying to fix it. If you notice anything unusual about your spouse,  speak up and find out what the problem is. Don't even assume your spouse knows what's wrong. Say it out and get it resolved on time.

3. Corrective Maintenance: This is a type that is required when there is  complete breakdown or worn out of equipment or facilities in order to bring it back to working order.

A lot of people in relationship/marriage usually get to this stage before trying to fix things.  Don't wait till the point of breakup or divorce before you start fixing issues in your marriage.

The reason for so many divorces today is because many wait till the issues get out of hand before seeking help and trying to settle things. The cost of corrective Maintenance is far greater than preventive.

As we all know that prevention is better than cure,  so don't wait till things get bad before you start praying for your marriage. Pray always and work things out.

As I conclude, I want to recommend that just like there are professionals in construction industry known as Facilities managers who can help clients/building owners carry out maintenance work and ensure the proper functioning of their building Facilities, there are also relationship experts and marriage and family therapist who can as well help you in your relationship/marriage.
So get a marriage counselor and mentor who you can open up to and who will advice and counsel you.

It is  not only when you want to get married that you need marriage counselor, you equally need one in your marriage.

Thanks for taking time to read

Shalom.

The Relationship Doctor